Perspectives on Success
Jul. 27th, 2006 09:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pen_gruntA few nights ago I couldn't sleep. Derrick and I were both up, so I asked him to do what I always ask him to do when we can't sleep (or actually, I can't sleep, and he humors me by staying up): tell me stories and answer questions.
Usually the transaction goes something like this:
Me: Tell me about growing up.
Derrick: *goes into story*
Me: *follow up question*
Derrick: More story
Me: Zzzzzzzz....
After the requisite family stories (he likes to tell me about his grandparents and growing up on the farm--SO very charming and soothing), I ask him about his high school reunion.
You see, we're going to his 10 year high school reunion this Saturday down in Okabena. I asked him how he felt about it. Herein lies the discovery in the differences of our definitions/perceptions of success.
He said he felt nervous.
I ask him why.
He says it's because he doesn't know if he's successful compared to everyone else.
I say, you're a Senior Financial Representative at a Wall Street-based financial company. Even if WE know that we've been struggling, at least it sounds really good. (You see, I'm all about the sounding good in front of old acquaintances. Superficial? You bet. Still.)
He says (in sort of a mumbly, grumbly voice) no, I mean most of them will probably be married and will already have kids.
The light blinks on in my head. Here is a man raised on a farm. Here is a man whose hero is his Grandpa (because he, as defined by Derrick, raised 7+ kids, worked on a farm, and is still married to his wife after over 50 years). I'm marrying a "family man" who fully expects to be married forever. It makes sense. Both of us have the experience that marriage IS, in fact, forever. Both sets of grandparents on both sides are still married (or were at the time of death) and both of our parental units are still intact after 25+ years.
I wonder how many people can say that in this day and age? Not many, I'd suspect. Almost everyone I know has at least one divorced set in the family (not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you--I do believe that divorce is warranted and positive in some cases).
So success is a family unit. And all this time I thought it was my career.
It's nice to have a change in perspective sometimes.
Now off to play Crazy-8's with my sister.
Usually the transaction goes something like this:
Me: Tell me about growing up.
Derrick: *goes into story*
Me: *follow up question*
Derrick: More story
Me: Zzzzzzzz....
After the requisite family stories (he likes to tell me about his grandparents and growing up on the farm--SO very charming and soothing), I ask him about his high school reunion.
You see, we're going to his 10 year high school reunion this Saturday down in Okabena. I asked him how he felt about it. Herein lies the discovery in the differences of our definitions/perceptions of success.
He said he felt nervous.
I ask him why.
He says it's because he doesn't know if he's successful compared to everyone else.
I say, you're a Senior Financial Representative at a Wall Street-based financial company. Even if WE know that we've been struggling, at least it sounds really good. (You see, I'm all about the sounding good in front of old acquaintances. Superficial? You bet. Still.)
He says (in sort of a mumbly, grumbly voice) no, I mean most of them will probably be married and will already have kids.
The light blinks on in my head. Here is a man raised on a farm. Here is a man whose hero is his Grandpa (because he, as defined by Derrick, raised 7+ kids, worked on a farm, and is still married to his wife after over 50 years). I'm marrying a "family man" who fully expects to be married forever. It makes sense. Both of us have the experience that marriage IS, in fact, forever. Both sets of grandparents on both sides are still married (or were at the time of death) and both of our parental units are still intact after 25+ years.
I wonder how many people can say that in this day and age? Not many, I'd suspect. Almost everyone I know has at least one divorced set in the family (not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you--I do believe that divorce is warranted and positive in some cases).
So success is a family unit. And all this time I thought it was my career.
It's nice to have a change in perspective sometimes.
Now off to play Crazy-8's with my sister.
