[Insert Scathingly Brilliant Title Here]

So I was already refurb-ing the website for my company tonight (I didn't get it all done today and it's due tomorrow).

At about 12:00 a.m. my boss sends me an urgent message. Can I help him do a proposal that's due at 8:30 a.m. tomorrow morning? Everything he's writing looks like it should be on LOL cat pictures.

Sure.
Of course.

Boss: It won't take you long. I did the structure This is perfect for your skills: Take the words I barfed out and turn it into cake. or pie.
Me: Okay.
Boss: Any question?
Me: Not yet. Let me get this straight: Take crap. Make good. Get bonus. Right?
Boss: LOL. We'll talk.

Gratuitious backstage pirate pic:

The guy with the controls is an impersonator--you can guess who he's supposed to be. The character on screen is our pirate (I like to think of him as my pirate). The impersonator does NOT do the pirate voice, we just got him back there for a photo op.

Sometimes work brings truly random things. The benefit of doing part of an event that is, in part, supposed to be a treat or reward for the attendees is that some of the cool stuff in the periphery of the meeting can touch you sometimes.

That being said...seriously...monkeys.

( Monkeying Around at Work... )

Dear Self,

For future reference:

I don't care if call time IS 5:30 a.m... do NOT drink a cup of coffee and a Diet Coke (and a half) before a 3 hour general session in which you cannot (under any circumstances) leave your post.

Thanks.

Oh, and P.S. If the call time is 5:30 a.m. you need to go to bed a tad earlier than 2:00 a.m.

Note to self addendum: Sew top button hole on shirt partially closed so the button will not pop out every 10 seconds exposing bra. Particularly when talking to presenters.

I've noticed this before about this shirt, but every time I pack to go on a trip I forget this little caveat.

Dear Boss,

You can't tell me to fill in and expand your document (that's due--hard-n-fast deadline--at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow), then choose not to give me the document until well past 12:00 a.m.

Especially when it will be 10+ pages of detail work.

Not happening.

There is something called getting documents to me at a reasonable time--or pushing back the deadline (which, in this case, we really can't do).

Thank you,

Employee/minion


P.S. Still waiting. . .
P.P.S. I'm seriously going to bed soon.

Scripting late consistently is reinforcing my idea that I really need to invest in a few things:

--A separate work space so I don't have to type on my bed and startle a terrified, sleeping Derrick every time I sputter or mutter or gasp. Poor guy. If I were him I would kill me by now. I also like to listen to music when I'm working--he claims it doesn't bother him. I mean we technically have an office, but the chair is horrible and all the flat surfaces are much too high to sit at and type.

--A really, really supportive, comfy chair that keeps me upright enough to work, yet is cushy enough to stay in for hours at a time. I honestly (seriously) bruised my rear today whilst sitting in my chair at work for so long in one position. I got up and the butt was numb. I ran on the treadmill tonight and I had that weird deep-muscle soreness.

--A lap tray table of some sort so I don't feel like I'm sterilizing myself by setting my hot (it burns!) laptop on my abdomen all the time.

--Snacks. Good snacks. I ran out of carrot sticks (my preferred work-food) and have had to resort to dry raw noodles (the key here is crunchy...if it crunches I want to stick it in my mouth while working).

I also want some things:

--Fair deadlines. Telling me that THREE separate scripts for three separate shows are all due on the same day (in some cases, only a day from the first major edits) is SO not cool. I've already done 2 scripts (Feeling=accomplished) but I have one left to go (feeling=dread...especially since it's the longest, hardest, most involved script and it's already 2 a.m.). The thing is, the deadline didn't have to be tomorrow, but my boss has a habit of underestimating the time it takes to do things (both in projects, and in life), and throwing out promises left and right.

--A little help please? I went from being the part-time freelancer to being the ONLY staff writer right before 5 major shows in the month. Oh no, you didn't...but yes, you did.

--My clients NOT to have my personal home phone number, or a direct line of contact with me at all. Calling 3 times a night when I'm trying to do ANOTHER client's script is NOT cool, not cool at all.

*blows bangs up*

Diggin' in. But first, I must get crunchy noodles.

Dallas. Again. Seriously people. After the (very, very) rough/tough week I've had, traveling is really the last possible thing I want to do. And yet, it means that I don't have to be in the office--so it's the only thing I should do right now.

This time I'm actually a tad disappointed that we don't have more "bumper" time. It's a one-night stay in a hotel I actually enjoy (the Hilton Anatole--not too posh, but with 100x nicer decor than the standard pastel hotel fare). I've been in this hotel before, and coming here again makes me think of the previous hell-type event I was at (disasters abound!). It's funny that I can still remember which event goes with each hotel. It IS starting to blur together a bit, and it seems the more places I visit, the more that they seem different in the exact same way. Maybe this is the curse of only having traveled for business and never for vacation or pleasure--places rarely hold their own special kind of vibe.

The three places in the US that I've actually enjoyed the MOST whilst working:
1. Monterey, CA (it was the frolicking ocean otters that seduced me, mostly...and Cannery Row)
2. Philadelphia, PA (a city with a great vibe)
3. New Orleans, LA (pre-Hurricane Katrina, lucky me)

Of course, Montreal Canada has my undying affection for non-business travel.

Two interesting airport things:
1. Auto-soap dispensers. You're already dealing with auto-faucets where you have to kind of keep waving your hands around to make them work, but then you add in an auto-soap dispenser that keeps randomly and arbitrarily vomiting soap (not in the general vicinity of your hands) and it makes for a jolly good time.
2. The please put your bomb back in your car sign. I travel so much that I barely read airport security signs anymore--I know what I can and can't do/bring on/wear through the security screening already. However, this sign caught my eye.

In big text at the top, it said: "The following items are prohibited".

It then had pictures (without text descriptions) of things that weren't allowed. There were the standards: a knife, a gun, a scissors, etc., but then there was a picture of a bomb with a lit fuse.

It then said: "If you are carrying any of these items, please check them with an attendant, or return them to your car."

You seriously want me to put my bomb back in my car in the airport parking garage? Really?

I'm always amazed how many adults at the airport are flying for the FIRST time (or for the first time in YEARS). It seems such a natural thing to me that seeing their confusion and disorientation is kind of puzzling. It's okay, you really don't have to be at the airport 5 hours early if you can help it (especially not with small, bored-too-easily children). Yes, you really have to take your shoes off. Yes, you have to remove your bag from your shoulder as you're going through security screening. No, just because you've been selected for screening doesn't mean they think you're a terrorist--it just means they hate you.

Is it really that difficult to get your air conditioner set correctly in an office building?

I turned on my portable heater today. It's maybe 83 degrees (F) outside. Perhaps it's about 55 degress (F) in my office, and after lunch I was shivering. Why do they have to crank the air conditioning system up to max whenever the slightest warmth creeps into the atmosphere?

Gone are the days when you could open windows at work--and I understand this, somewhat. After all, if you can open a window on the 34th floor, what's to stop depressed high-level execs from jumping out on the spur-of-the-moment?

Lawd knows I've been there. I guess if the access were easy enough we'd all be throwing ourselves off the top floor of the office building. After all, Kundera says that vertigo is not the fear of heights, but rather the intense desire to fall.

But still--damn you air conditioning. I miss the real air. You know, from like...outside and stuff.

SO very random:

Randomness #1: About a half an hour ago, I licked an envelope to send a "Congrats on the new baby!" card off to my cousin [Baby Name for this one: Nathan James--I like it!]. For some reason, I can STILL taste the adhesive in my mouth and it doesn't taste delish with coffee. It tastes kinda...like rotten something-or-another. Blech.

Randomness #2: I keep dreaming about my fish dying. Not random fish dying, MY fish dying. In the dreams they're in a smaller-than-they-need container of some sort (usually a plastic bag, or a tiny clear aquarium) and they're floating on the top because of something I've done wrong (too much/too little heat, food, attention, etc.). What does this mean?

( Randomness #3: About a book )

Randomness #4: Friday!

Randomness #5: I just looked at my paystub and discovered that I have over 4 weeks of vacation time and over 2 weeks of sick time for this year. That being said, I haven't taken more than a day off (and non-vacation comp days at that) in about 2 years. Honeymoon in Europe? Errr...not thinking about THAT right now.

Edit: Randomness #6: YAY! I just found my eyeliner that I had bought at Target on Monday. It had mysteriously disappeared in the bowels of my office and I just... couldn't... find it. It was in a box of organic fruit strips--though I'm not entirely sure how it could have possibly ended up there.

Ha! I managed to have a full work-overhaul conversation with the boss-man (or one of them, anyway) without bursting into tears. This is an accomplishment. Not that anything else changed or was accomplished, but I consider the no-tears a huge achievement relatively speaking. It's all terribly embarrassing, but I'm SURE I'm not the only person that's been there. Well, maybe. Usually guys don't end up bursting into uncontrollable tears in front of their bosses. I suck this week.

Trying to stay awake.

Working on script.

Have a headache--and ONE nostril....just ONE....is stuffed up.

Welcome Monsieur Stress Cold, how long will you be staying with me? Shall I send up nasal spray courtesy of the concierge? Perhaps a nightcap? *wicked giggle*

I do find it a tad...ehem...ironic that I'm actually starting to get sick when I was joking about taking a faux-sick mental-health day. Serves me right... Girl who cried wolf... Blah blah blah...Etc.