Giving a shit

[pen_grunt]

I was chatting about social anxiety with my boss. (It was in a specific context--I wasn't just randomly whining.) He said to me:

"You got to realize something, Missy... no one really gives enough of a shit about you to spend their time judging you."

Which is ... oddly comforting?

Comments

[gloomchen.livejournal.com]

That should be posted on the wall in every gym in America, lol.

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

It would make an amazing Successories motivational poster underneath a pile of dung.

[newlifeinstpaul.livejournal.com]

It requires more than a bit of arrogance to imagine everyone's going to stop what they're doing in their life with their friends cuz YOU walked in the room.



_{I use that line on me}

[newlifeinstpaul.livejournal.com]

Our problem is we're perfectionists; we want--no, expect--EVERYONE to love us. If one or two don't, something's wrong.

So the key (part of it, anyway) is lowering that internal expectation. Or practicing the habit of trying to lower it, anyway. I don't pretend to be good at it.

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

It's hard to remember that, "Not everyone needs to like me," is not equal to, "No one likes me," or "They probably won't like me."

[newlifeinstpaul.livejournal.com]

Inorite? Just takes one sour face.
I have to keep reminding myself that's only one person and They Aren't Everybody. And frankly, even if 95% of them don't like me, the 5% are worth rummaging thru the Thrift Shop of Personalities to find.

Cuz they are fucking awesome.

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

See. And every time I whine about my insecurities D is all: "But *I* like you!" and I tend to dismiss him as "biased" but he's really one of the only ones that matters. Quality over quantity.

[newlifeinstpaul.livejournal.com]

Except you're NOT whining.
They're your feelings, they have validity.
You're not obligated to dispose of them--but massaging them a bit might be nice.


Sometimes taking the social risks leads to rewards. That's all.

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

Sometimes taking the social risks leads to rewards.

I have plenty of experience-reinforcement to back this up. I mean, it's not like I've ever taken a social risk and it's ended up OMG HORRIBLY. It's just hard to remember the positive reinforcement when your brain is screaming at you. :)

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

I don't know, though... I think people enjoy judging. Of course, most won't remember you ten minutes later, so.

[tediousandbrief.livejournal.com]

That is probably true!

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

I think he was talking more about the, "Oh, I have an immediate dislike of her as a person, she sucks," kind of judgement as opposed to the, "Oh, that girl's hair is kinda fucky today," sort of judgement.

[bertine.livejournal.com]

Realizing this made me able to handle my social anxiety.

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

I have to stop and remind myself sometimes that even when I am feeling like a socially awkward doofus, other people probably don't notice...and if they do notice they don't care that much.