Life Lessons
Feb. 28th, 2014 12:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pen_gruntI think a good lesson to learn in life is to not be harder on yourself than you are on other people*.
I've been slowly learning it. My last week's post about my own body image was eye-opening to me: I would NEVER say or *think* the negative, awful, bullyish things that I say to myself to/about other people. Wouldn't dream of it. Don't do it. Don't even think it. Doesn't enter my mind. Nor would I stand idly by while someone else said those things to another person**. So why would I allow myself to say those things to ME? I mean, I'm allowed to indulge in insecurities sometimes--everyone does it--but what is the point in the harshness?
It's the same with job/career worries. I've had mounting anxiety over the past week due to a few different minor and relatively insignificant triggers. If someone else were to ask me for advice, I'd reassure them and tell them to examine the triggers that made them feel that way and ask themselves if the triggers justified the anxiety.
I give other people good advice and support--and I mean it. I want other people to succeed. I think a lot of other people are way too hard on themselves. Yet I do the same thing.
But beating yourself up and sending yourself into anxiety and insecurity spirals gets you nowhere. No other GOOD, kind person in the world would ever do that to you. Why should you do that to yourself?
There are some times when everything feels awful and wrong and NO GOOD AT ALL. It feels like it will never get better in those moments. I would tell someone else to step back and examine why things feel that way. I've gotten much better at doing this myself (it happens most when I'm overly tired...and I can't think myself out of the spiral). It doesn't help the feeling in the moment--because it's rarely based on rational thought--but it helps me to know that that feeling will end soon and if I can ride it out things will inevitably be better soonish.
I think it's really important to remember to be kind to yourself.
It sounds like a stupid affirmation, and it is a bit, but it's still important.
*Let's assume that you're not a total dick to other people.
**In fact, one of two times in my life I told my grandmother to shut the hell up was when she was constantly berating my (still developing 9 year old cousin) about his weight. (He is now a totally normal, healthy 21 year old with no weight issues whatsoever.) The other time was when my other little cousin (his older brother) refused to take a yucky-tasting medicine and my grandmother wanted to deal with the situation by completely tearing him down...calling him a "bad boy" and saying things like "this was just how he was, and he was such an awful child etc."...he was 6.
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Date: 2014-02-28 07:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-02-28 08:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-03-01 01:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-03-01 03:53 am (UTC)I meant every bit. And it's true, too.
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Date: 2014-03-01 05:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-03-05 06:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-03-05 06:30 pm (UTC)I typically wind up far more worried about B feeling insecure for Whatever Weird Reason I Can Never Quite Figure Out. But if B felt that way 'bout you, she'd have told me by now. In fact, when she does feel that way 'bout one of them, she says "Well let's go hang out with Missy (more recently, Missy and Eyelid) instead of your Dumb Friends."
No pressure!
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Date: 2014-03-05 07:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-03-05 07:23 pm (UTC)