pen_grunt | So this is it?

Hmmm... I've contemplated starting up an online journal (or "blog" as the cool kids call it) for some time now. I held out for several reasons:

1.I had a webpage way back when I was 16. It was a place where I poured all my teenage angst out for the world to see. Somehow, as an adult, being angst-y (or angst-ish) didn't seem as dramatic, fun or productive as it used to. It's not terribly attractive to be an angst-ridden adult, but the most reflective writing comes from times of particular drama or emotion--otherwise it's just running commentary. And really, who wants to read running commentary on a blog? That's why they have Monday night football, after all.

2.I hate being trendy. I hate that it's trendy to hate being trendy for the sake of, and to be trendy. Once blogs caught on and everyone had one, that little ole' idea seemed to fester for a bit, and then peter out into nothing.

3.I've always thought that it would be terribly narcissistic and self-serving to write a blog. Not only is it some kind of literary masturbation, it's also really self-centered to write expecting that people are going to read (or not read) and like (or dislike) one's particular rants, raves and diatribes on the world, work and other interesting (or not interesting at all) things.

4. I write for a living. No, I don't write great novels, short stories, or otherwise. It's mostly corporate drivel. Sitting at a computer for 8 hours a day forcing yourself to write things that make food magically appear in the refrigerator, clothes magically stay on your back, and heat magically flow through the radiator pipes--but that you don't really LIKE, per se, is incredibly draining. About the last thing I want to do when I get home is look at a computer. This has, as you might imagine, put a strain on any independent writing career (with afore mentioned great novels, short stories, and otherwise) and has stifled that persistant "BLOG!" urge.

So you're saying to yourself (or not) that if I'm so against blog-writing, literary masturbation, and this very thing that I am doing at this. very. moment...then why is my blog here? There are a few incredibly persuasive reasons:

1.I started reading author blogs. Ever since I was a wee tyke, I wanted to write things for the world to see, and then hide behind them shyly so I could avoid all human interaction. I know. Big dreams huh? Anyway, I started reading the author blogs of Neil Gaiman, George R. R. Martin, and most notably--Philip Pullman. Through these blogs I came to a new realization--writing isn't supposed to necessarily be easy. I know, I know...it's so SIMPLE, and yet, I needed to hear that from someone ELSE. I enjoy reading these blogs, and they have helped me tremendously. Perhaps mine will do the same for you (or, more realistically, me again).

2.I need to get used to sitting down in front of the computer and WRITING on a daily basis. It's like an exercise of endurance.

3.I might (doubtful, but maybe) have something that someone might actually want to read. I may have an interest that others share, an insight (they're one in a million I tell ya..and that doesn't mean that they're unique...) a favorite book otherwise unheard of, or something else. Mayhaps someone is just as sick and twisted as me, and they might enjoy a fresh view. Mayhaps verbal diarrhea is just what someone wants to read on a particular day....I don't know, I'm just the typist, don't ask me. . .

4. I'm an adult. Though I may not be angst-y so much anymore, I think that having a vehicle to reflect a little might help with daily balance. Just maybe. After all, I'm a copycat at heart. . .