Suck.

Feb. 3rd, 2006 06:53 am
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[personal profile] pen_grunt
I was wondering exactly how long my motivation would hold out. In essence, I’ve been “working” since I was 5 years old (picking beans out in the field every summer day) and working full time since I was 16 (where I went to college full time, work full time, and paid all my own expenses).


I’ve been working at my current job for 3 years now. With a small company there are certain sacrifices one has to make in exchange for the benefits of working for a small company.

The first sacrifice I had to make was starting at incredibly low pay. I justified this to myself by saying that I was only 19 when I started, I had no experience, and I was being put into a high position in exchange for lower pay under the circumstances.

The second sacrifice was taking an incredibly low raise amount when taken on full-time two months later. But then again, I was still relatively inexperienced and I was promised $2K a month in supplemental income from the sister company that I also started working for.

…yeah, that still hasn’t happened (not consistently, for sure). Not one, but TWO, two jobs for the price of one. At this point I’m becoming a bargain.

Sacrifice #3: Splitting myself between two jobs, and not being able to take vacation because I am inevitably needed at one job or the other at all times. But even that’s okay, because I have the flexibility to work from home, take a few float holidays, and I don’t have to clock in and out—so if I’m late one day, no biggie. If I need to leave early a few days, not a problem. Hell, there were MONTHS last year where I didn’t get a day off—not weekends, not anything (namely the months of July, August, and September). It’s okay, I’m “dedicated.”

There have been other sacrifices; writing a book and slapping my boss’ name on it along with mine, traveling for one company and deducting my own pay for the other, basically producing shows when I’m listed as a writer, etc. ALL of which gives me super-good experience (truly, it does) and proves me very capable.

I enjoy what I do. I enjoy a challenge. Hell, I even LIKE my job (yes, the very one I’m in with this very office and these very people). I’ve been praised openly by my boss, whom I like very much (most of the time, but I’m sure occasional wavering on those feelings is typical too—he also frustrates me very much).

So I’ve settled into this job at the same low-pay as I started with. And I’ve taken it. I’ve accepted it, I’m good. We just got a new general manager, and he told me that they’d try to give me a raise but it wouldn’t happen right away. I even said, “Hey, I’m not bitter about it, I’ve waited 3 years, another month or two won’t make too much of a difference.” (I know, big mistake.) There’s also been a reallocation of tasks. Where before I was Creative Director for one company and Communications Director for the other (translation on both: I write stuff), now I’m Creative Director for one company, and Communications Director, Marketing Director and Tradeshow Coordinator for the other.

*Ron Popeil handy-dandy slicer infomercial voice* That’s not one, not two, not three, but four, yes FOUR jobs for the same low pay. And when you act now, you also get to be the boss’ “work wife” or constant nagger/pesterer/makes-sure-he-gets-things-done person for FREE. That’s right, all four jobs, plus a half job for that same low price!

This, in and of it self did NOT push me over the edge. I am capable. I am responsible. I take on new challenges. Besides, this was a chance to really prove myself.

THEN yesterday I went out to lunch with my boss to talk about some of the book promo stuff (that I wrote, of course). Flipping through his notebook, I see the pay of everyone at our company. My jaw drops, my heart sinks, I’m broken. Not because everyone else makes more than me, that doesn’t bug me, I’m the second-to-newest employee and I know we’ve been working through hard financial times. . .

The woman who LITERALLY can’t string together a coherent sentence (and yes, English is her native language), comes in late most of the time, leaves early nearly every day, pisses customers and employees off, stresses EVERYONE out, has not sold A THING since she started working here a year ago, and is basically a waste of money is making more than I am.

It’s petty, I know. When I asked my boss why she was still around a few months ago, he told me it was because, “they had gotten her cheaply.” I wonder where that puts me. In the friggin’ bargain bin. I’ve been barraged with this and that, one thing after another, but never before have I felt so utterly unappreciated, unvalued, and screwed over.

I don’t want to quit (and thus, any comments should refrain from telling me to do so, it really just pisses me off more—you have been warned). I love my job. I don’t want another job. I just want to adjust my production rate in accordance with my salary (although that’s just a fantasy--I’d never be able to do it, it’s not in my nature to do less than my assigned work.) I want to CHANGE this, but all I get from my boss is a handful of empty promises and “some days.”



So, yeah. I'm stressed. The answer to the "how long will my motivation hold out" question is.....well......wait for it......right about.......NOW.

In other news, from the Dentyne gum pack, “You’re never too old or two cool to watch fire trucks go by.” And today that is precisely all I feel like doing. Of course, I'll do my other work, cuz I'm a good li'l girl. Yessir I am. . .

Then again, the pack also says, “It’s not wise to upset a grizzly bear, especially if he’s been drinking.” So I take the fore mentioned wisdom with a grain of salt.

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