Why Do They Let Me Dress Myself?

[pen_grunt]

I shouldn't be allowed near a clothing closet. I should just have stuff put out for me. I'm a walking disaster today, and I didn't really realize it until I had been at work for a while.



Shoes--Pinchy shoes. Cute shoes--ADORABLE shoes--but still pinchy. They're my best, "I have a real job and need to look semi-expensive" shoes. I wore them last week and they gave me major blisters. Like a weirdo I figured that the healed blisters had left my feet toughened and ready to take on the cute-shoe laden summer. I was so wrong. I hate my feet right now.

Skirt--Cute skirt. I hadn't worn it before. It looks sorta like a quasi-mermaid skirt--it gives an "hourglass" shape (which is girl-code for saying that it makes my hips and thighs look like the remnants of a beached whale...or heavy mermaid). It's not me--I'm not being all doesthismakemybuttlookbig self-conscious like that--it truly is the skirt.

Shirt--Nice tank top...cute tank top. Dressy tank top. I got it at the thrift store that doesn't have a try-on room, so I was taking a bit of a gamble. It...ahhem...appears to be a maternity tank top from a Casual Corner-type store. Non-pregnant women wearing pregnant-women clothing is a no-no. Not flattering--and the straps are cutting into my sunburn.

Suit coat--I top it off with a, "See! I'm not 12! I'm a real woman! Take me seriously!" suit jacket. It looks okay. A little formal, but okay. I need to remove the teeny shoulder pads because, lets face it, no shoulder pad is a good shoulder pad.

To top it off--I decided in my twisted un-fashionable brain to pull my hair back. Last weekend out in the sun bleached the blond hair to almost white-blond. With the weirdly shaped clothing and the tightly-formal hair that almost doesn't appear at all it looks like someone shrunk my head... or that I'm a child playing dress-up in mommy's clothing.


SO not a good look. I'm staying in my office today with the curtains closed.

Please, don't let me dress me again. I'm just not good at it.

Edit: Completely unprompted, my non-gay (but kinda metro) boss told me that my fabrics didn't look right together...and that I looked strange *sigh*

Comments

[llythefaerye.livejournal.com]

*points & laughs*

[liquid-siftings.livejournal.com]

Ahh, but you're a butterfly in swan's clothing.

or something like that. ;-)

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

That's pretty much what it looks like too, a strange mishmash of fabric wings and tails all slapped together.

Or a small person in big-people clothes.

[llythefaerye.livejournal.com]

*arches brow* (toldja so . . .)

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

No comprende.

What, exactly, did you tell me? That I buy ill-fitting clothing? That 80's shoulder pads do not WORK for anyone? That I really shouldn't put my hair up when wearing a non-tailored suit coat?

[llythefaerye.livejournal.com]

Small person . . .