TSA Weirdness
Sep. 20th, 2012 01:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pen_gruntTonight, after going through the body scan/detector thingie, the TSA agent in charge of monitoring that area said something not in the standard repertoire of TSA agents.
Usually after passing through said magical portal they say, "You're cleared," or "You can go on," or if they're feeling funky, "You're good to go."
Tonight, the TSA guy said, "Hello gorgeous!" (He was doing standard-TSA-responses with other people passing through, so this was a just-me thing. And it wasn't in a "I'm kidding or trying to just be innocently playful" way. It was definitely an "I've looked at you and I'm attracted to you" way.)
And it made me feel really weird. Which is weird in and of itself, because usually I'm not super-sensitive about these things. I'm sure he meant it as a compliment or whatever and I was kinda flattered but it also made me do that thing where my smile freezes and I clench up defensively inside and mentally prepare for assault. Not physical assault, mind you, but more verbal assault, pressure, the need for delicate navigation etc. And I'm trying to figure out why it made me feel this way.
It might have been because I had just stripped off half my clothing--my suit jacket and shoes and belt and pocket contents--in front of him to go through the scanner. I was already feeling exposed and he confirmed that I really *should* have been feeling exposed--or more exposed, even.
But I think it's also because he is in a position of technical authority. If random TSA agent wanted to make my life very difficult in travel-terms, he could do so very easily. So there is an implied threat. Not that the guy meant to be threatening--or that he's necessarily the guy who would be threatening--but the shadow of authority looms large. If he would have kept pushing, I would have had to diplomatically dance around unwanted advances without pissing him off. You would think that this would not be a big deal. It wouldn't, except some guys get really pissed off--not just at the traditional rejection of advances--but of failure to properly *appreciate* said advances with...a show of gratitude? I mean cripes, I've had guys call me a stuck up bitch when I've been running and they wolf-whistle or honk at me from a car and I fail to turn and smile and acknowledge their attention and give them my number as a reward--or otherwise fail to react in an appropriately pleasing manner to them. This is the least of it. I had some dude start to follow and heckle me once when I smiled and said, basically, thanks but no thanks VERY politely. ("I'm married" doesn't even do the trick for some.)
I don't think guys--by and large--realize that girls have had these experiences when they approach a woman or make some kind of comment. Their sincere intention to flatter or compliment might be met with tense guard-up reactions because a gal just can't *know* who has a hair-trigger crazy switch and what is going to flip it--no matter how innocent and sweet the guy might seem.
It reminds me the story a while ago of a cop tracking down a gal that he had given a traffic ticket to AT HER HOME to ask her out on a date. A lot of guys (and some gals) were surprised that there wasn't a universal, "Awww....that's so sweet!" reaction. The girl in question took some sort of action (that I can't recall at the moment...filing a complaint or a restraining order or something). One of the issues, of course, is the implied threat. He's a cop. He knows where she lives. He looked it up and came to her house. He has absolute power in the situation to make her life hell if she rejects him. Of COURSE a person would feel threatened by that.
TSA weirdness didn't escalate tonight. But it also didn't leave me with the warm-and-fuzzy feeling that someone saying, "Hello gorgeous," would usually provoke. It left me all jangly like I'd been at the edge of what could have been a very unpleasant situation and just narrowly managed to escape. Thank goodness the security lines were moving quickly.
Usually after passing through said magical portal they say, "You're cleared," or "You can go on," or if they're feeling funky, "You're good to go."
Tonight, the TSA guy said, "Hello gorgeous!" (He was doing standard-TSA-responses with other people passing through, so this was a just-me thing. And it wasn't in a "I'm kidding or trying to just be innocently playful" way. It was definitely an "I've looked at you and I'm attracted to you" way.)
And it made me feel really weird. Which is weird in and of itself, because usually I'm not super-sensitive about these things. I'm sure he meant it as a compliment or whatever and I was kinda flattered but it also made me do that thing where my smile freezes and I clench up defensively inside and mentally prepare for assault. Not physical assault, mind you, but more verbal assault, pressure, the need for delicate navigation etc. And I'm trying to figure out why it made me feel this way.
It might have been because I had just stripped off half my clothing--my suit jacket and shoes and belt and pocket contents--in front of him to go through the scanner. I was already feeling exposed and he confirmed that I really *should* have been feeling exposed--or more exposed, even.
But I think it's also because he is in a position of technical authority. If random TSA agent wanted to make my life very difficult in travel-terms, he could do so very easily. So there is an implied threat. Not that the guy meant to be threatening--or that he's necessarily the guy who would be threatening--but the shadow of authority looms large. If he would have kept pushing, I would have had to diplomatically dance around unwanted advances without pissing him off. You would think that this would not be a big deal. It wouldn't, except some guys get really pissed off--not just at the traditional rejection of advances--but of failure to properly *appreciate* said advances with...a show of gratitude? I mean cripes, I've had guys call me a stuck up bitch when I've been running and they wolf-whistle or honk at me from a car and I fail to turn and smile and acknowledge their attention and give them my number as a reward--or otherwise fail to react in an appropriately pleasing manner to them. This is the least of it. I had some dude start to follow and heckle me once when I smiled and said, basically, thanks but no thanks VERY politely. ("I'm married" doesn't even do the trick for some.)
I don't think guys--by and large--realize that girls have had these experiences when they approach a woman or make some kind of comment. Their sincere intention to flatter or compliment might be met with tense guard-up reactions because a gal just can't *know* who has a hair-trigger crazy switch and what is going to flip it--no matter how innocent and sweet the guy might seem.
It reminds me the story a while ago of a cop tracking down a gal that he had given a traffic ticket to AT HER HOME to ask her out on a date. A lot of guys (and some gals) were surprised that there wasn't a universal, "Awww....that's so sweet!" reaction. The girl in question took some sort of action (that I can't recall at the moment...filing a complaint or a restraining order or something). One of the issues, of course, is the implied threat. He's a cop. He knows where she lives. He looked it up and came to her house. He has absolute power in the situation to make her life hell if she rejects him. Of COURSE a person would feel threatened by that.
TSA weirdness didn't escalate tonight. But it also didn't leave me with the warm-and-fuzzy feeling that someone saying, "Hello gorgeous," would usually provoke. It left me all jangly like I'd been at the edge of what could have been a very unpleasant situation and just narrowly managed to escape. Thank goodness the security lines were moving quickly.
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no subject
Date: 2012-09-20 05:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-20 05:49 pm (UTC)Anyway, one of the recurring topics (besides my horrid, horrid attempts at modern dance--you couldn't even laugh, it was that painful to watch) was the gross, gross dudes who'd stop for 30 minutes to stare. And how they finally approached one of the worst--as a group, mind you--and very politely, respectfully but pointedly asked him to knock it off. And how he screamed at them. How loudly. How long. Maybe I was the new bouncer? Who knows? I certainly hadn't been invited for my hawt dance skills.
Long story short, she and they are how my Arse-Watcher icon came to be. Okay, now I'll shoosh.
no subject
Date: 2012-09-20 06:16 pm (UTC)Definitely.
totally inappropriate for people in positions of authority of any kind to make advances. It means there is some restraint on the ability of the other person to say no.
no subject
Date: 2012-09-26 04:03 pm (UTC)Years ago when a man came to our house to give me a physical for a life insurance policy, he did something very inappropriate that freaked me all the way out (especially because my husband wasn't home, but it was definitely something he would not have done if my husband HAD been there). I was afraid to react because I had this fear that he had the power to have my policy denied, so I just let him do whatever while my heart and mind raced. Sucked.