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Overly Complicated
Feb. 15th, 2016 09:24 amOn a whim I started looking at swimsuits again. I'm not sure why, save that the two I have are ill-fitting and very old--respectively. It's not like I'm in imminent danger of needing a swimsuit, but it's unpleasant to not have one and need one. I figure I should cover my bases and an ad popped up on Facebook, so.
But dude. Someone is WAY overthinking swimwear.
This woman looks so smug because she just stole her toddler's swimsuit.
Sometimes your boobs might just need some dust ruffle action.
Why are there so many straps and what the heck is that little tiny underboob peep hole? WHY. ANSWER FOR YOUR SWIM CRIMES.
This is just weird. Even the model is shielding herself from the glare of its awkwardness. She looks horribly embarrassed. "I'm sorry I spent all of college getting a liberal arts degree, mom. Can I take off the bikini of shame now?"
It says it's crocheted, too. Because that's what you need. Crochet swimsuits.
This one isn't so bad aside from being ugly. But lots of the suits have extra strappage and fabric. Like: You know what would be awesome? If I had to wrap my swimsuit around me a bunch of times like embalming linens. Also: Stupid and impractical tan lines.
This is kind of cute. If very minimal and prone to making your breasts look like twin Eiffel towers.
...But how does it...stay...on...? Frank Lloyd Wright, your swimwear design extension was not the best use of your brand.
Your boobs have a terrible cold. You've put kleenex under them to keep them from dripping snot everywhere.
Palate cleanser. I actually like this one:
For when your boobs are fighting with each other. Two boobs enter ONLY ONE CAN WIN:
What the shit. It's really not a swimsuit top so much as bondage. I cannot envision you'd ever need to raise your arms while swimming or anything, so this is probably a really great design:
YOU ARE A HUMAN CENSOR BAR.
...maybe I should just wait until the one I have totally falls apart. Or continue falling out of the other one.
But dude. Someone is WAY overthinking swimwear.
This woman looks so smug because she just stole her toddler's swimsuit.
Sometimes your boobs might just need some dust ruffle action.
Why are there so many straps and what the heck is that little tiny underboob peep hole? WHY. ANSWER FOR YOUR SWIM CRIMES.
This is just weird. Even the model is shielding herself from the glare of its awkwardness. She looks horribly embarrassed. "I'm sorry I spent all of college getting a liberal arts degree, mom. Can I take off the bikini of shame now?"
It says it's crocheted, too. Because that's what you need. Crochet swimsuits.
This one isn't so bad aside from being ugly. But lots of the suits have extra strappage and fabric. Like: You know what would be awesome? If I had to wrap my swimsuit around me a bunch of times like embalming linens. Also: Stupid and impractical tan lines.
This is kind of cute. If very minimal and prone to making your breasts look like twin Eiffel towers.
...But how does it...stay...on...? Frank Lloyd Wright, your swimwear design extension was not the best use of your brand.
Your boobs have a terrible cold. You've put kleenex under them to keep them from dripping snot everywhere.
Palate cleanser. I actually like this one:
For when your boobs are fighting with each other. Two boobs enter ONLY ONE CAN WIN:
What the shit. It's really not a swimsuit top so much as bondage. I cannot envision you'd ever need to raise your arms while swimming or anything, so this is probably a really great design:
YOU ARE A HUMAN CENSOR BAR.
...maybe I should just wait until the one I have totally falls apart. Or continue falling out of the other one.
