Boys vs. Girls

[pen_grunt]

There are many, many differences between men and women. One of the most astounding I've found is the whole body image thing. I'm also mystified by the way boys joke with each other.

For instance, if I were in a group of girls who were doing a weight-loss challenge, and we decided to motivate each other by calling each other "fatty" and "lardass" and the like, well, I'm pretty sure there'd be tears, nail scratches and possibly a few newly-developed eating disorders.

But guys? Heck, there's no better friendly motivation than your friend calling you "tubby". It doesn't phase them. They accept that their body needs changing and love it anyway. Derrick is participating in this challenge with his friends, and now they call each other fat every chance they get.

"Hey man, what's up?"
"Your cholesterol, tubby."

"Hey dude, what's shakin'?"
"Your massive belly, you lardass whale."

I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't be motivated by this kind of thing.

So what's this fundamental thing that we teach (or don't teach) boys and not girls that makes them so okay with all this?

Comments

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

I blame King of Queens exclusively for this phenomenon.

[purplesquirrel.livejournal.com]

Boys and men show affection through teasing because sharing honest emotions makes us weak.

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

I don't know. I think that's somewhat of a myth. I mean, obviously it has a grain of truth or I wouldn't see displays like this, but still. Do men really believe that saying they love a buddy is a weakness? I've heard my husband and his friends say similar things.

[purplesquirrel.livejournal.com]

I don't believe it, but it seems that males are socialized this way.

[liquid-siftings.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, socio-culturally we are taught from a very early age that men's bodies don't matter (except on either end: really really good, or very fat), and they are a critical part of a woman's worth (and are judged on it from an early age by almost everyone -- not always in bad ways, but the point is still made). For example, a mother who, knowing what being overweight can mean to a woman, stresses the importance of keeping fit and ends up reinforcing the body image and self-esteem issues for the child.

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

I have to confess, I would probably be the same way with an overweight child--or just children in general. There's a lot of teasing that comes along with being "fat", and what parent wouldn't want to protect their child from that--no matter how subconsciously damaging the messages may be coming from the parent.

[liquid-siftings.livejournal.com]

of course -- how could you not? But I think you'd be able to avoid the trap that many mothers fall into, which is to couch it in terms of a girl's "worth" in society (i.e., being able to get a man, "don't you want to be pretty?", etc.).

Within the terms of health, well-being, and even being teased, it's more possible to avoid the kind of coded language that reinforces what the rest of society is always telling women: if you aren't pretty, you don't have value. (oversimplified, but that is the message that's out there)

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

easy enough - we're taught from a young age that it doesn't matter much what a man looks like, but a woman who is overweight is worthless.

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

Good point, that. I distinctly recall female relatives making comments about my body (wistful--not in a negative way; i.e. "I remember when I was that slender" *sigh*) when I was little.

Thinness equates with youth equates with beauty which is value. I'm going to have one hell of a crisis to go through when these things fade, as they eventually do, no matter how much I value other things about myself.

Television and magazines.

[jasonecaesar.livejournal.com]

And classroom things, also.

Except I used to react in a "feminine manner" about my weight when I was younger.

Re: Television and magazines.

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

It can't *just* be media. I mean, aren't men inundated with hard-body models in GQ?

Re: Television and magazines.

[jasonecaesar.livejournal.com]

Magazines are a media product.

[gwangi.livejournal.com]

I disagree with all of those people above me. Boys know that our buddies love us no matter what they actually say about us, as opposed to girls, who went to high school at some point and so learned that friends stab one another in the back all the time.

aside: H.L. Mencken once defined a misogynist as a man who hates women as much as they hate one another. Hee hee hee.

And so we learn that even if your buddies call you fat, or stupid, or ugly, or whatever, they're still your friends. So it doesn't hurt nearly as much, and just lets you know that you really should go do something about those man-boobs.

As evidence for this, and to prove that it's not just the societal pressures at work, imagine how it'd feel (guys, do this imagining, I mean) if a girl called you fat. It's way worse, even if it's a girl you're not actively interested in sleeping with. That's because although we seem clueless, we actually do pay attention and so realize there's an inherent difference in the social lives of men and women.

Plus girls are crazy.

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

I'll have to test this theory by calling my husband fat tonight (he's not, but still, it's in the name of science).

I'll let you know how that works out. ;)

[liquid-siftings.livejournal.com]

that "way worse" is how girls feel no matter who calls them fat (men, women, society). And they're being judged on it all the time.

It's not that men aren't judged on body image -- we are, it just isn't nearly as high on the "list of things people will judge you on" as it is for women.

And, frankly, we get a lot more slack -- the "acceptable" range is much wider (pun intended) for men.