Churchin'

[pen_grunt]

Yesterday I went to a church service for the first time in (maybe) 10 years. I'd been to weddings, of course, and I think I managed a Christmas service somewhere in there, but no actual services. But my littlest cousin was being confirmed, so I answered duty's call.

This, of course, meant that I took communion for the first time in 10 years (since my own confirmation, I think). In my church growing up, we had little bits of broken up rolls and grape kool-aid to symbolize the body and blood of Christ. Yummy. (Methodism, unlike Catholicism, does not believe in transubstantiation, they merely think in metaphors. Also, Methodists don't drink, so wine is never an option.) This is in place of the more traditional communion wafer and wine, which I experienced for the first time today. My inappropriate comments to my husband were as follows:

1. The body of Christ tastes like crap. If I were represented by a wafer, I would at least put some cheese-wiz on it or something. At any rate, if I were Christ, I would not be happy with the representation.

2. I got body of Christ stuck in my teeth. Ew.

3. The body of Christ was stale. Then again, after 2000 or so years, one can't be expected to remain fresh.

That's enough church for me for a while. This service was boring as hell (but then again, considering, hell might be the improper analogy).

My tongue has been planted firmly in cheek.

Comments

Yes!

[jasonecaesar.livejournal.com]

That won so hard! I lol'd until my chest hurt! XD

Re: Yes!

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

I blame Christ for making you laugh :)

Re: Yes!

[jasonecaesar.livejournal.com]

At dance yesterday, one of the members was dressed as Jesus. I lol'd again. XD

[sarcasma.livejournal.com]

HA. But the wine was good, right? That fortified communion wine makes up for a lot.

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

Hmm...I was very suspicious of the communal wine goblet. Take the wafer, dip it in the wine bowl for the masses. I didn't see any double-dipping, but that doesn't mean that it didn't happen. I'm used to single-serving mini shot glasses.

At least we didn't have to do the everyone-sip-from-one-glass thing. Ack! Germs!

[sarcasma.livejournal.com]

At the church where I sing, they'd have no truck with double-dipping. There's a whole hand-sanitizer ritual for the [um I forget the word for them, but the people who give the communion, okay?] that considering it's a pretty casual church has reached the same status as most of the religious rituals. If someone tried to screw the germ-free action by double-dipping... well, I'm not sure what would happen, but it wouldn't be good.

Besides, I tend to figure the brandy or whatever's in that wine'll kill off most anything. ;)

[irishinmn.livejournal.com]

You went to church ....

and lightning didn't strike you ......

.... amazing :-P

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

No, but that might explain why my wafer tasted like crud, and no one else complained. Though according to Derrick, the good Catholic, that's how they usually taste.

It's about SUFFERING, y'all.

[llythefaerye.livejournal.com]

Sadly, he's right. That's just how they taste.

Could've been worse. Could've been a full mass rather than just a good ol' Loot'ran service . . .

[purplesquirrel.livejournal.com]

If the body of Christ was bacon, I'd go to church more often.

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

So, so, sooooo true. Then again, if a lot more things were bacon (i.e. cooked carrots, cilantro, worms) I'd eat them.

I'd venture to say that if there were more readily-available bacon in the world, we would be that much closer to world peace.

[starsechos.livejournal.com]

I think that last time I went to church was for confirmation! Which I found our picture of whilst digging through some boxes at my parents! YAY! I miss pastor dick. lol

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

If I recall correctly, YOU made me giggle during the whole hand-on-head thing. All I remember is that I was getting confirmed and I couldn't stop laughing and I think you were in on it.

Mebbe it was the debbil.

[llythefaerye.livejournal.com]

. . . and the pastor lisped, and I was pretty sure until I actually *read* the words in the bulletin that she was asking the Lord to grant the confirmands "Patience and Suffering" . . . (as opposed to "patience in suffering . . . ")

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

But when are people going to understand...faith is about suffering!

I paid my penance at that service. I'm good on the suffering for 10 years now.

[luno.livejournal.com]

My real problem with taking communion (I was raised Catholic) was throwing it up three days later.

[pen-grunt.livejournal.com]

That God stuff really sticks in your gut, ya know...

...until it completely disagrees with you and your body rejects it.

This may be a sign that you're possessed. I'd look into it.