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Squandered
May. 28th, 2015 01:22 pmIt's a gorgeous day and the baby just wants to fuss and eat and fuss and eat...and be held, above all. So we're inside out of the sun. She's sleeping in the Moby and I'm walking, walking, walking around.
We meet with a potential daycare nanny/provider on Saturday morning. I would go back 2x a week at first--maybe 3. It's expensive-ish. But damn, do I need to do things that don't revolve around the smallperson.
This is the oldest conflict in forever, right?
I'm too used to working and getting satisfaction from that, I think, to not go back now even though the boss said he expected me to take 6 months. I've always worked. It's making me crazy having this tiny dependant attached to me 24/7. I mean, just play with a toy for 10 freaking minutes.
On the other hand...shouldn't I be taking advantage of an unusually generous (in the U.S.) maternity leave? When am I ever going to get this time again? Never. That's when.
But everyone I know has gone back by this time already. I feel a strange combination of lazy and stressed and defensive. And peer-pressure that probably isn't even there. But maybe it is. Maybe I'm being judged.
I'm career-oriented too, dammit! It's just hard. This is a weird culture to become a parent in. Maybe going back part-time will be a good compromise.
We meet with a potential daycare nanny/provider on Saturday morning. I would go back 2x a week at first--maybe 3. It's expensive-ish. But damn, do I need to do things that don't revolve around the smallperson.
This is the oldest conflict in forever, right?
I'm too used to working and getting satisfaction from that, I think, to not go back now even though the boss said he expected me to take 6 months. I've always worked. It's making me crazy having this tiny dependant attached to me 24/7. I mean, just play with a toy for 10 freaking minutes.
On the other hand...shouldn't I be taking advantage of an unusually generous (in the U.S.) maternity leave? When am I ever going to get this time again? Never. That's when.
But everyone I know has gone back by this time already. I feel a strange combination of lazy and stressed and defensive. And peer-pressure that probably isn't even there. But maybe it is. Maybe I'm being judged.
I'm career-oriented too, dammit! It's just hard. This is a weird culture to become a parent in. Maybe going back part-time will be a good compromise.
